This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
