I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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