Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize