Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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