My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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