No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
