You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
"it" just moved
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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