I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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