The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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