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I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
