just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
