Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
