all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
