i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
