dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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