Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
