I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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