I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
