Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
