Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
