There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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