So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
