And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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