I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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