if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
