What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
