its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she peed on how many people?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
