I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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