Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize