I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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