I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
