I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
