I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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