Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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