I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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