yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
