I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
