After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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