Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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