One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
