I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I forget how to act sober
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
