i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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