dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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