Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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