Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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