nut hugger
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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