six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
