I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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