I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bring me that man meat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
