I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize