i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
