Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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