I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
