I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Couch. On fire.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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