I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
