So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
