I am puke
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
