I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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