dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
