Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
