whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
