at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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