I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
