the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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