Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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