He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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