i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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