this boner is exhausting
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
