That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
