I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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