"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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