She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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