puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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