i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
