i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
