The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
