Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
