Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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