I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
