She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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