Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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