Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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