Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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