TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
