He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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