You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
