You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sarcasm needs its own font
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
