come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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